Alas, the Dry Creek Valley Skunk & Newspaper Patrol (the DCVS & NP) is no more. Its beloved members have passed on to the great dog parks in the sky. We are, however, pleased and a little befuddled to announce the recent formation of the Dry Creek Valley Coyote & Chicken Auxiliary (DCVC & CA). This proud and confused unit is comprised of Molly and Charlie’s two dogs, the ever popular and admired Austin, the Goldendoodle, and Remy, the recently acquired and somewhat irritating Maltese. The function and purpose of the DCVC & CA is twofold:
1) When coyotes pass by the Meekeria (where Molly and Charlie live), usually at night, they yip and howl to each other to communicate things like, “I caught a rabbit,” ” you smell like a skunk,” and “I wouldn’t have your pups even if you were the Alpha male.” These comments are delivered in extremely high, piercing yips and howls that are all way above high “C.” Austin, whose normal conversational bark and yowl are in the manly baritone range, for reasons known only to himself, tries to respond in the soprano range of the coyotes. He stands at the open sliding door of the Meekers’ bedroom and attempts the pure piccolo note of a healthy coyote. It is pathetic. Halfway through a sliding, glass-shattering aria, his voice breaks and he ends in a guttural “ooo” that sounds as though he ate a jalapeno. Remy’s recent participation has been to stand near his rear right leg and offer moral support by not outshining him with her natural ear-piercing yaps and leaning supportively into his ankle.
2) Every morning Molly checks on the chickens to make sure they are fed and the water is running. She also offers freeze-dried meal worms which are a great delicacy for chickens. There are eight hens and two loud, wussy, father-and-son roosters who do not much other than irritate the hens and make a lot of noise in the morning. (They also occasionally make little chickens but nobody wanted that.) Remy, all 3.3 pounds of her, has decided that hen herding is her job. Never mind that the roosters are taller, and that she dresses out at the weight of a decent free-range fryer, she follows Molly into the coop and addresses each bird as an equal. Meanwhile, Austin waits at the coop, ever hopeful for an egg, shell and all.
Stay tuned for more.